Today was a track day and with the azimuth of the earth tilting ever-further away from the Sun, I find myself more or less feeling my way up and down the bleachers in the mornings. The added danger of mis-stepping or slipping from slick metal structure is mildly exhilarating. Dying this way, however, would suck- big time.

That isn't entirely what I mean by "Going Dark". Tomorrow will be my last day at the gym before they close it for two weeks. Its' closure removes my access to the scale I've always used to gauge my progress over the last 100+ days. This brings into question any real accuracy to using another scale someplace else and I can't help but think that the next two weeks' progress is going to have to be based on something less empirical.

Nevertheless, tomorrow I'll weigh in and report. I'll work on how to gauge progress over the weekend.

Today is Thursday. My immediate goal is to lose 6 lbs. by Monday. That will put me at a milestone of sorts and will bring about another set of changes. It also works well with some changes in the workout routine coming up. The gym is closing for the first two weeks of September. This effectively cuts me off from not only that particular equipment, but the scale I've been using to track my progress from the beginning.

How will I accomplish my goal? By sticking to my original methods more stringently than before, making sure I eat enough of the right foods, getting enough of the right exercise adequate sleep. No pills, powders, starvation, or packaged food- just a more focused effort of what I've been doing all along.

Today was a gym day. I lowered the amound of weight for each set and increased the number of reps. My intent is not so much to build up, but to define. Let's see how it works over the next few weeks.

I've thought a lot about this metamorphosis I am undertaking. It isn't just about my weight- though that is a huge factor and something that is at the very tippy-top of my list of what MUST change. It's about making marked improvement in every aspect of my life.

An area I am very serious about changing involves television viewing. I watch far too much. I don't read enough.

There was a business trip a few years back that had me fairly isolated. The hotel I was staying in was hosting a book fair, and I got to say, I think I went a little nuts. I read six novels during my two-week stay and watched no television. That was an odd week for me. The truly weird thing was that I found myself far more productive during my stay as a result. All that reading had somehow made it easier to focus on what needed done and stay on task. It was like Ritalin in paperback.

In my home we have a Tivo DVR and a DVR provided by our cable company. Between the two machines I can record around 160 hours of television programming for viewing whenever I want. Now, that is really cool. I am never strapped to the couch watching things I don't want to watch (including commercials) while waiting for the stuff I do want to watch to come on. I can skip commericals or watch the program in fast-forward if it isn't moving along the plotline fast enough. I can save all kinds of time.

The real question is. "Do I really need to watch 160 hours opf TV?"

I don't believe I do. I'll start by taking the cable company's DVR back.

Looking back over a lifetime of meager accomplishments has helped me to realize something. What little I've done and/or accumulated was the direct result of having set some goal at some time prior.

Not just setting the goal caused the result to come about. It also required focus and action. Many times this was done almost unconsciously. Over a period of several years early in my twenties I associated with some people who were very goal-driven. We attended almost every seminar and lecture there was on goal setting and achievement- from Carnegie to Robbins to Ziglar to Tompkins- we were there.

Over time a lot of the stuff began to sink in. And it worked. I'd visualize my desired outcome- whatever that might be, build a huge amount of desire around it, take massive action at getting it, adjust my strategies when necessary, and get what I wanted. It was that simple. It worked. It began to become something I did automatically.

Over time, friends split, families grew, and focus changed. I settled down, developed routines, and became satisfied- became comfortable. I've just got to say that satisfaction and comfort are probably the worst conditions for human development. They are synonymous with stagnation and decay; because if you aren't improving, you are decaying- you are ROTTING. No surprise- that's a BAD thing.

As part of my renaissance I am awakening those old habits of goal setting and accomplishment. I'm shaking the crap loose and improving- each and every moment through decision and action.

It's a good thing that I was never a really a slave to fashion. I take that back- long ago, Levi's ran an ad campaign in which they declared, "Comfort never goes out of style." If that's truly the case, I am a slave to fashion- usually expressed by wearing sweats and other elastic-waisted pants.

What's cool as of late is that I no longer need the sweats. I am fitting into my old clothes. Today I wore a sport coat and pair of slacks that I haven't been able to pack myself into in over four years. What a great feeling that is. Greater yet is the discovery that after more than five years, I'm able to wear my wedding ring again- a major victory.

Tomorrow is a track day. I'm looking forward to it.

Today was a gym day. I love gym days- love getting my grunt on.

I am amazed by the brilliance of Nike's advertising genius. That simple catchphrase sparks the sales of millions of (in my opinion) spendy pairs of shoes, inspires kids and adults alike, and is really the only method I need to get stuff done.

"Just Do It"

OK. I will. I am. I'm putting my feet on the floor at 4:44AM (the significance of THAT time will have to be addressed at a later date) and alternately hitting the track and gym six days a week. Just doing it. It has become a habit and more- it has become something I actually LIKE to do.

Why?

The RESULTS. I FEEL better. My clothes fit better. Hell, my clothes from six years ago fit. And while I have to admit that no amount of exercise or diet in the universe is going to make me handsome, I think I look better too. Yes, that's the reason you don't see my picture on this website.

So thank you Nike for articulating my adopted mantra. Now how about making some less expensive shoes? I like your stuff- have even owned a few pair in the past, but I have to say that the last time I went in for some running shoes, the sticker-shock had me beatin' feet back to Costco- where I found a pair of Adidas for $24.99. They seem to be pretty good shoes. But hey, if somebody at Nike would let me try out something like what is pictured above (size 13) I'd be totally jazzed.

Down another two (2) pounds and feeling good. Not comfortable, GOOD. Today also marks three (3) months since I began this journey- a short time, I know, for a lasting change.

Changing the way I thought about food was a bit of a challenge during the frst couple of weeks. I like to cook and I really like to experiment to find more interesting ways to make stuff taste good. This requires a lot of experimentation--and tasting. Since the beginning of my metamorphosis, I've been working on flavor as a complement to nutrition rather than going whole-hog for flavor to the detriment of any nutritional value. The results have been remarkable.

I have a new appreciation for the natural flavors of vegetables, the subtleties of leaner cuts of meats, and value of fresh herbs over salt. It has been wonderful.

Food has become unleaded fuel; satisfying and flavorful without the sugar, salt, and excess fat.

Segue to Tivo.

Last night we happened upon a program called Fat March. Do the contestants REALLY represent what our society is becoming? I was repulsed, not because of the grotesque obesity, but because of the grotesque personalities of the contestants. These people, by and large, were uglier on the inside as evidenced by their attitudes regarding themselves physically and the catty contempt and selfishness they portrayed toward each-other. It was a train wreck of hopelessness poked and prodded along by inept "physical trainers" heavy on drama but unfortunately lacking in motivation. The contestants' heroin-like addiction to junk fook was absolutely disturbing to the point of unbelievability. My gawd, it had to be an act.

The idea, at least what I could gather, moves a group of morbidly obese contestants to walk 400 miles from Boston to Washington, DC. Along the way there are team "challenges" where they pair off and compete for nicer evening accommodations than the tents the rest of the cast sleep in along the route. The incentive to finish (and cheer each-other on) is the $10,000 each loses for each person that drops out along the way. A situation that should have garnered empathy from those of us who share similar physical dimension and sympathy from those who like to see the underdog triumph was instead a soap opera of human misery, deceit, impotence and guile. In other words, I thought it sucked. How they sold the concept to the sponsors is a mystery.

The Biggest Loser is a triumph of humanity by comparison.

The one thing it does reaffirm is what I truly believe- that attitude is 99% of any personal defeat or triumph. Life can truly become amazing if we DECIDE it will and then TAKE ACTION towards that end- consistently and tirelessly until it IS amazing. That is all it has been required of me thus far. Whatever progress I have made, and believe me when I say I have a long way to go, is because of an attitude of positive certainty that I can and will succeed. Who needs a "trainer" when you have that? Decide and Kick Ass.

P.S. Today was a gym day and was so awesome that I really didn't want to stop. I weighed in first as I usually do for my motivation and was really pumped by the 2lb loss. It really doesn't matter which way the scale moves, if at all; it's all motivation to do more and get stronger. What I once considered dull and boring has actually become fun.

I'm going to die.

Not now and hopefully much later but I'm going to die regardless. I read once that we should live each day as if it were our last; that we should do what we love and know in our hearts that there will be no regrets at the end.

That is what I am now doing. It is my ambition and goal to improve myself with each and every moment that brings me ever closer to the inevitability of death. I pledge to not procrastinate, to be honest with myself, and move onward and upward.

I had a manager once who liked to repeat the phrase, "Too soon old and too late smart." I hated that. Now it frightens me. When I was young I never imagined myself as old as my manager was then. He seemed almost ancient. Now that I'm almost as old now as he was then, I realize its' truth and significance. I've got so much to learn.

I may only have today to learn it.

You know what? I'm excited about that. I'm going to learn today because that's what I love to do. I'm going to improve TODAY, because that's what I'm going to do. I've decided and I'm taking action.

Down 65 pounds and recovering from a nasty chest cold- oh boy! Life's bittersweet!

Last weekend found us out amongst and amidst Mother Nature. We spent four days camping- partially with a group, and partially on our own. Both were enjoyable for the most part.

Camping with a group may be a little tougher for me than others. First of all, I find it really hard to tolerate other people's kids in a normal situation let alone without the comforts of home and my office- in which I hide when the little darlings become absolutely unbearable. Ugh.

Anyway there we were, lots of other people's kids, marshmallows, dirt, bugs, and fire; living in a tent which, amazingly, isn't sound-proof, or smoke-proof, nor does it provide any kind of barrier from any sort of nuisance whatsoever.

Now I have to mention the almost supernatural attraction campfires have over other people's little boys. Gawd! My sons went through it as well; sticks and torches and paper plates and whatever-else usually made its' way into the fire. But these kids!?! Handfuls of pine needles and dirt- nonstop- one after the other creating the smokiest, dirtiest campfire I ever had the discomfort of enduring for three straight days.

I like efficient fires; not too big but just enough to cut the chill and put that warm glow on the faces of all who gather around it, a nice bed of glowing coals to roast goodies over and very little smoke. Other people's kids wouldn't let that happen, oh no, coals covered with dirt, plastic cups and silverware, and billowing toxic smoke to choke and offend. This drove us into our tent and back out again- since we mistakenly placed it where it would ultimately end up downwind from the fire. It was horrid.

Do other peoples' kids' parents put an end to it? Oh hail no! They giggle and talk about how cute and grown up and clever the little scamps are. There was nothing cute about what was going on and when I told them so they all made a half-arsed attempt to put an end to it:

"Johnny, would you please, kindly stop throwing your flashlight in the fire?" and "Pretty-please no more dirt in the fire honey-bunny cause we may desire to cook our marshmallow-wellows on it and you might maybe know the blah-blah-blah."

None of this was effective, obviously. Best not to bruise little Johnny's self esteem by making him keep the toxic plastic and animal excrement out of the fire. Grrrr!

Yeah, I may be intolerant and grouchy. But so what? Other people's kids' parents should manage their kids because if they had, I'm sure we wouldn't have had to suffer through a week of upper-repiratory distress and hacking up brown gobs of dirt and burnt gawd-knows-what.

I'll work on my tolerance. I hope others work on their parenting skills.

Woo-hoo! Down 64 lbs!

Today was a gym day. It felt pretty good to get back in there after the long weekend away. It also felt great to discover that I hadn't done much damage during the campout. Really, I don't know how I could have. I still ate the same as I have since I began back in May- the only thing different was the TYPE of exercise I was getting. It was more hiking and walking and not a lot of weight training (other than hefting the gear from car to campsite and back).

Yesterday was my son's first day on his first real job- a pretty big deal for him. I could blame the pride or excitement I was feeling but really have no excuse for breaking one of my own rules. After picking him up from work I asked him what he wanted for dinner- the response was an immediate, "Burger King!" and off we went. He ordered the Ultimate Double Whopper- you know, the one that American Excesses' poster boy, Homer Simpson, is endorsing in conjunction with the Simpsons Movie out in the theaters just now. The thing was huge and according to their nutrition brochure, packs 990 calories, 64 grams of fat, 195 mg of cholesterol, and 1520 mg of Sodium. Adding a medium french fries and a medium Dr Pepper brought the total count to 1540 calories, 84 grams of fat, 195 mg of cholesterol, and 2160 mg of Sodium.

I didn't really think about it at the time because I wasn't the one eating it (I had a small lean steak and salad at home), but as I sit here the day after, I am ashamed. Ashamed of not only 1) rewarding him with food (which is totally against my unwritten rules of parenting), but 2) feeding him something as nutritionally devastating as what he chose.

Never again.

What could possibly add to the experience? While we sat in our car ordering through the drive-thru menu, I saw someone sneak up behind us on foot through my rear-view mirror. Bracing myself for a carjacking, I was surprised instead by a friend who just happened to be eating at a small restaurant across the parking lot from us. Not just any friend, but the same friend who was the final piece of inspiration that started me on my path of change; the guy who had lost about 80 lbs on one of the packaged-food diet programs. He was absolutely the last guy I wanted to see me at the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant.

Well, we sat with him and his wife (who had lost about 50 lbs on the same diet program and was now a Health Advisor for the business opportunity end of the same diet program) for a while and chatted while my son consumed his prize and I concealed my embarrassment.

Never again.

It is clear to me that our entire family deserves nutritional food on a consistent basis. Never again will I reward good behavior with bad food. We'll eat out, but we'll do it more carefully.

That's the question people keep asking me. They see the weight coming off and they want to know what program I'm using or what pill I'm taking. People think that the only way to successful weight loss is paved by someone or something else.

Well, Im here to tell you that the only way to change your life (and that's what weight loss does) is TO DECIDE TO AND TAKE ACTION. There are tons of weight loss gurus out there, probably thousands of diet plans, pills, and potions.

Guess what?

THEY ALL WORK and NONE OF THEM WORK

Truth be told, no matter what you do, it's all you, baby! You decide each and every moment what your outcome is going to be. You choose to take action or not. Whether you're fat or thin, successful or not, or whatever you are versus whatever it is you dream you should be, you only have YOU to thank or blame for it.

When I say "you" I really mean "me" because as I type this I'm pretending that the monitor is a mirror because, whatever the reflection of myself shows right now, I have only ME to thank or blame for it. I believe I'm changing my life for the better each and every day since that personal wake-up call on May 21st. I am taking action to improve myself- I say it, not only to the mirror, but to the entire world because I am accountable, I am responsible for what I'd become am the direction I'm now taking.

No one ever told me I was fat. I don't know if they were afraid to because I might sit on them if they did, ir they were just being polite- it really doesn't matter. Had they told me earlier on that I was fat, would I have blossomed to the level of enormity I had achieved? It doesn't matter; it's not up to anybody else to remind me that I'm getting fat. My body condition is my responsibility. I am fat and it's ALL MY FAULT. I can't blame genetics, my wife, my doctor, or anybody else. It's all me baby!

Am I too hard on myself? Am I damaging my self esteem? Am I depressed?

Hell no! I am determined. PERIOD. I finally realized that my clothes weren't shrinking over time, that I couldn't gorge myself at meals and feel good, that it wasn't normal to feel winded getting out of a chair, and so on and so on- and that I was the only one whose was responsible for the way I felt and how I was going to correct it and I'm taking action.

What it all boils down to is that, in my case, HOW is less relevant than WHY.

How am I losing weight? I just am because I decided to. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Come hell or buffet.

P.S. Today was a track day. I walked the track at a pretty brisk pace and climbed the stands four times- that is, every other lap around the track.

I stepped on the scale today, and to my amazement I had dropped a little over three pounds since Tuesday. Considering my walking days have turned into stair climbing days, I'm guessing that much of it is fluid loss. I'm drinking plenty of water and eating a lot more water-rich foods, so I can't help but feel pretty good about the loss.

This is the first time that I've noticed an actual INCREASE in energy- like I've broken through some sort of barrier or something. On the arm-curl machine this morning I was dialed in at 105 lbs and made it through the set without any real strain. I'm usually doing some serious grunting about halfway through.

My intake is still fairly balanced nutrition-wise and calories are right where they should be- based on my equation. I did run out of peanut butter the other day- which was a real drag, being my favorite and all. I went into Safeway to pick up some more and decided to try their Organics store brand. It's pretty good stuff, fairly right-spensive, and about 100 calories per tablespoon. My wife's making a Costco trip today so we'll be back into the Adams brand soon.

Weight loss is motivation in and of itself.

We've got this fig tree in our yard that's gone absolutely ape-nuts this season and we've got figs out the wazoo. Consequently, we're trying figs in EVERYTHING. Amazingly, it hasn't gotten anywhere near disgusting yet. Our figs are firm and very mild; not too sweet and compliment just about everything. We've added them to salad, protein shakes, meat dishes, bbq'd and drizzled with basalmic vinegar, baked into breads, and who knows what else. Everything has been pretty tasty.

Downside is that their shelf-life is very short unless they're dried or somehow preserved in another way. We seem to be going through them and giving them away fast enough to eliminate any waste.

The new schedule is too new to tell if it is making any real difference, but I'm still losing weight- so good times. I'll plot the loss over the next couple of weeks to see if things ramp up at all.

I haven't weighed myself in few days, so the -56 may not be entirely accurate. I also am in a transition period right now schedule-wise, so it's anybody's guess at this point.

My wife joined a ladies' running group recently- and since I'm the center of my universe (sarcastically speaking), that brings about minor change.

My normal schedule has the two of us going to the gym Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; Tuesdays and Thursdays we circle the track at the local high school. Now the schedule has switched and we'll be spending Saturdays at the gym.

This is a good thing!

Right off the bat I'll be increasing my weekly walking distance- and what does that do? Shifts the equation! Again, a GOOD thing.

I've also started climbing the bleachers as art of my circuit. I can't wait to see how this impacts my equation.

I also have a shameless product plug to post. I just can't say how much I've come to enjoy Adam's Peanut Butter. It's all-natural and has no added sugar or other fillers. Just peanuts and a little salt. I buy the big jars at Costco- making it fairly affordable. I usually pour off the peanut oil that has collected at the top of the jar and use it in stir-fry dishes.

Warm weather and a willing dog make for decent exercise. Karma is a 3 year old beagle we adopted through the beagle rescue more than a year ago. She has a wonderfully tolerant disposition and a willingness to walk for miles. She'll follow her nose forever, wherever. We named her "Karma".

We have a universal-style weight machine and treadmill in our garage. The two behemoths once resided in our family room where they stood in place of furniture.

About two years ago, my wife and I were sitting on the couch in the family room watching The Biggest Loser reality show on CBS. It was one of the episodes that condensed an entire season into a single show- at least that's how I remember it. Those of you familiar with the program know that the idea is to lose the most weight within the course of the program. The winner/biggest loser wins a sum of money. Pretty much all the contestants lose weight- sometimes remarkable amounts of weight, and in some way improve their lives, or appreciate the benefits of good health for as long as they are willing.

Anyway, the show inspired us. We decided we wanted to lose weight, and how better to do it than imitate what we saw on tv? During the episode we watched, the show producers surprised the contestants by converting a room in their home into a gym. So a week later, we donated our large sectional couch (with the built-in recliner) to charity and moved in our weight machine and treadmill. We decided we would watch tv as we exercised. People thought we were weird.

Well, we did this for a little over a year and actually WORE OUT the machines. The treadmill would no longer run for more than thirty minutes at a time. The butterfly attachment on the weight machine snapped at the welds. They were toast.

But you know what? I actually gained weight; about fifteen pounds of it. I got stronger, for sure. I was to the point where I was pushing the entire stack of weights, maxing-out the machine, whenever I was working out. But I was still fat.

The problem was that the family room was right next to the kitchen and central to the rest of the house. I passed by the pantry dozens of times during the day and usually I grazed as I did; a handful if chocolate chips followed by a handful of cashews followed by... on and on all day long.

My equation was balanced at a level suitable for a bull elephant- and that was what I was becoming. Either and elephant or maybe the Thing from the Fantastic Four. Either one was the exact opposite of what I thought I was working towards. So I decided that more aerobic-type activity was the answer.

My wife and I decided to join a gym rather than buy new exrcise equipment. They had better and stronger machines than we could afford and we considered the cost of membership an added incentive to actually go- and go we did, five days a week. We both did the same workout, about 45 minutes on an aerobic machine (elliptical, stairmaster, treadmill, or bike) followed by 20 minutes with the weights--- and it WORKED--- for my wife. I continued to gain weight. Not as much as when we were at home, but the scale was still climbing. I was becoming a monster.

Some friends and junk mail changed my life.