(Day 111 / -73 +or- no clue) Change is Always the Same

My weight has been the focus of my renaissance since May and will remain such until I reach my target weight, but weight isn't all I am changing. I am changing ME.

What I really didn't consider was the impact going about this whole change would have on my life. The results thus far have been positive in their effect in so many areas- but mainly in my interactions with others.

There was time (mere months ago) that I would shy from just about every social occasion for fear of being a spectacle. I stayed away from certain people simply because they wanted to help me. I'd stay home most of the time, avoiding what I considered uncomfortable, and worse, I would send my family to apologize for my absence.

That is no way to live. That's isn't how I was and it certainly is not how I will remain.

As I'm slowly chipping away I notice that I am more open and friendly, more apt to accept invitations to social events, and generally have a more positive attitude toward just about everything. Am I coming out of some sort of depression? I don't know about that. My prior actions have been rather logical considering my circumstances. I've been making myself logically and practically inconspicuous.

I used to jokingly refer to the once-skinny me in old pictures as "just some guy I ate" while adding some weak Donner Party reference. It's true- I did eat that guy and buried him deeply. Now all I want to do is barf him back up and let him live his life once more.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have finally DECIDED to change (or change back) and am making significant progress towards that end. What's more is that I am enjoying myself more and more in the process.

That is a good feeling- a feeling I never want to change.