(Day 162 / -93 lbs.) Slaps and Kicks

Down another pound--- boo-yeah!

221 days (31 weeks, 4 days) until equilibrium. I need to (scratch that) WILL lose 2.4 lbs. per week to meet my weight goal. Still a quite a ways to go but no worries.

I was thinking a little more about Subway Jared's story of weight loss this weekend. I tend to fixate on things between distractions and the momentary lack of shiny, pointy, or jittery objects within my periphery afforded a little time to reflect on the wisdom contained within Jared's sparse statements. Comments he's made in regard to motivation hit particularly close to home.

“I just wanted to walk in a room and have no one know I’m even there. That’s what I wanted,” said Jared in an interview.

Wow. That was me. At 6'5”, I was always the tallest guy in the room and developed a slouch to camouflage it. As I gained weight the slouch went away; I used the height to mask my girth. I'd buy progressively baggier clothes and stand as straight and tall as I could as far from the center of room as I could, just to avoid notice.

It didn't work and I really didn't enjoy the attention. I was becoming a monster-- watch out Tokyo! That was me as I was about six months ago. That self-image motivates me today and evermore to return to the stage in my life when I was just the tallest guy in the room.

Jared's “ways and means” also resonate with my own experience. He was consuming about 10,000 calories a day-- something I found difficult but do-able. Breakfast (1,300 cal.) and lunch (1,590 cal.) at BK, dinner (2,984 cal.) from PM, a dozen or so cookies (1500 cal.) and several (>10) handfuls (~100 cal.) of chocolate chips from the pantry several times a day gets you pretty close. I've never really been a fast food guy but I have been able to recreate quite a bit of what I could find on their menus and super-duper-size the portions to satisfy my glutenous cravings. And cookies--- man I ate a lot of cookies. I don't think i consumed 10,000 calories each and every day- just close enough to gain an extra 170 pounds over the past 15 years.

I look at “slaps” and “kicks” as those mini emotional traumas that motivate you to make a change. Some people call them epiphanies or self-realization. Me? Slaps and kicks- the type of motivation you'd use on a mule, are a better fit.

Anyway, the “slap” came when I discovered that my sweatpants were getting a little tight and uncomfortable and realized that sweats was all I had been wearing for the past several months AND THEY WERE TOO TIGHT. SWEATS.

Then came the next while reviewing pictures from a recent vacation. Somehow I was actually in a photograph (something that I NEVER allowed). It was a fairly normal shot of the family and friends just sitting around and enjoying the moment. The only thing is- and this really hit me, I looked miserable. I was like a miserable Jabba-the-Hut blob wrapped in sweats.

Then came the kicks.

I have some friends who signed up for one of those “miracle” weight loss programs that doubles as a business opportunity. As they began to experience success in their own weight loss, they turned to family and friends to share the opportunity. I put them off from the beginning, thinking is was just another fad, and being highly skeptical of MLM programs anyway, I was sure I had the intestinal fortitude to put them off forever. The thing is, what they were doing was working- working in a huge way.

We saw each other at the end of March of this year and in just two months (May 21st), I saw him again. The change was remarkable! He again offered to “help” me into the program. It was then that slaps and kicks converged into a life changing decision.

I decided that I would change. Not through a business opportunity but through true internal change. I was going to change ME and I have been ever since.

I mentioned "equilibrium" earlier. That's what my weight loss is all about. More on that later.