OK, so I'm a Batman fan. Comic, TV series, movies- I've enjoyed them all but I have to say that seeing The Dark Night at our local IMAX theater last Friday wasn't the best of experiences. It wasn't the movie (the movie was freakin' AWESOME!), it was the time of day.

We went to the 12:20PM showing and decided to have lunch before the movie, so we headed down the block for a little panini. Our first mistake.

The service was really slow and with my anxiety climbing from the prospect of walking into a full theater, I can't say lunch was at all enjoyable. I could nitpick the entire lunch experience but hey, I was going to see a movie I had been really looking forward to- and that's a good thing.

We walked into a fairly full theater about ten minutes before the movie was scheduled to start. Our second mistake. All the decent seats were filled so we settled in just above floor level center. Not good. Still, it was Batman and it was an "IMAX Experience" Batman. Flip-flop, it's all good again. But...

It was lunchtime and most of the audience was packing. The smell of a theater full of people alternately bingeing and purging is, you guessed it- not good. The air was a cloying aerosol eau de toilette of popcorn and beef stew- which is really nasty because, while they serve popcorn in 2,000 calorie cardboard buckets at the concession stand, I don't think they serve beef stew.

Air quality aside, The Dark Night: The IMAX Experience did not disappoint. The opening sequence splayed on the gigantic screen alone was worth the extra price of admission. I may even go back and see it again.

Just not around mealtime.



Now avert your attention here:

OK, so 434 days ago I realized that I was a fat schleb (yeah, so I'm a little slow in the self-realization and assessment department) and needed to do something about it. More importantly, I decided (eyes front, full speed ahead, blow up the bridges as you cross, decided) to do something about it. What next?

As I mentioned oh so long ago and as one of my 50 Tips, deciding to do something and being completely and passionately committed to the decision is probably the most important thing to do when going about something like changing your life. The thing is, a guy can also become the epitome of "all revved up with no place to go".

What I had and still have are a few friends who have accomplished many of the same things I want for myself. Pertinent to my topic here, they've lost considerable amounts of weight and have kept it off. Doh! Or should I have said, "Yahtzee!"? Well, whatever should be said when providence lays the blueprint for your success right in front of your face would have been appropriate, I'm sure. Because, like a bonehead at the SAT's, all I had to do next was copy the smartest people in the room.

But not exactly.

I think my most endearing quality, the subject of the epitaph that will be scratched onto the used grocery bag that will ultimately entomb my ashes, or what would have been my middle name had my parents only known, and the reason I sometimes end up doing things the hard way, is that I'm a cheap bastard. My friends had all joined weight loss programs- which worked tremendously. They lost weight, they're keeping it off, they spent some money doing it, and they totally rock. I decided that, while I may not rock (or spend money to rock), I would copy them- mimic their efforts and reap similar benefits.

That's where the "donkey" part (title of this post) comes in. While all they had to do was follow a predetermined plan and eat predetermined, prepackaged foods, I had to plow my own path and develop my own dietary regimen based on researching their program (and others) and work my ass off... to literally work off a little of my ass.

I sometimes wonder If I would have been better off spending the money.

Japan Tobacco Inc. has a new energy drink made from the extract of eel heads and bones. Aside from the appetite-suppressing ingredient list, the manufacturer suggests that benefits include boosting stamina. Coming from a tobacco company... hey, it's got to be good.

C'mon, Eel heads? I'll accept that there are beneficial components to be found in a variety natural sources but I have to ask myself, "Do I really need to drink eel juice to increase stamina?" Really? The same, I think, is an appropriate question for just about every other "latest and greatest" thing to come from anywhere- and we've seen some pretty incredible things.

In the great empty expanse that is my mind, I believe that a sensible and balanced diet of healthy food consumed in moderation, accompanied by sufficient water, rest and exercise is enough to create all the stamina I need. In my completely fallible opinion, supplementing my diet with eel head juice, rhino horn, shark fin, or tiger penis isn't going to do me a lot of good. No-sir-ee and thanks anyway, I think I'll stick to meat, fruit, and vegetables-- supplemented by the squeezings of pygmy albino bat guano in suppository form... just like the good lord intended.

Strange times, indeed. Have a great weekend!

My experience is that weight loss is not easy--- but it is simple. Why not keep it that way? Hey- I wish I could make it easy but hey-hey, few positive long-term activities are.

Changing myself was a process of conditioning; pounding a square peg into a round hole until it either fit or got really good at taking a pounding. It didn't happen on the first whack/day, it's been more than a year now and I'm still whacking.

The thing is, for ME, it is easier to adjust (even dramatically) something I'm already doing than to start an altogether new activity and stick with it long-term. That's one of the reasons I never bought into any of the programs that my friends were trying. I would hear about so-and-so trying xyx and a-friend-of-a-friend trying abc and think, what this "trying" business, because it seemed to me that if anything was worthwhile, it was worth sticking to forever. Not just trying. Trying one diet or another would most likely provide shot-term results at best. Joining an exercise class would most likely end prematurely as would any other activity I wasn't already doing.

So I didn't try anything, instead I decided to modify something I was already doing, something I should/could change and should/could stick to for the rest of my life. So what was that one thing?

Eating. I was already doing it, I just needed (desperately) to start doing it right.


Good stuff:

Welcome to the GR-8 Gastro-Economic Summit addressing Economics of Scale. My topic; how to create a deficit and reduce inflation. Let's tighten our belts without biting off more than we can chew by accepting that in most cases, our eyes are bigger than our stomachs and it is better to nibble away at our problems than gobble them up whole.

Aren't mixed metaphors fun?

Whew, almost dozed off for a second there. Here's the thing, losing weight efficiently and effectively and keeping it off requires that I eat fewer calories than what my body requires to sustain itself- the exact opposite of my behavior prior to my decision to change my life way back in May, 2007. Fourteen months and 152 pounds has taught me that it is just that simple and that dramatic results require very little drama. It's more like that monotonous infomercial you just can't kick completely out of your head (mine is "You just set it and forget it." Thanks, Ron Popeil!). Eat less, move more. That's all I have to do- over and over while my body takes care of the rest.

There is a never-ending parade of programs and products that promise to help me do just that and they're all good in one respect or another. It's just that I have to ask myself whether or not I could sustain any of them over the long run. Programs wax and wane in popularity while products flip-flop in toxicity. The only constant in the equation of me (minus) the extra pounds is "me" and I had to decide what I could do day in day out for the rest of my life without external pressure or encouragement. It all boils down to a simple equation:

Steve + Eat Less, Move More = Less Steve

Eating less just means consuming the recommended number of calories for a guy the size I wanted to become and exercising each and every day. Easier said than done. I learned a lot along the way (my 50 tips) and am still learning as I work towards losing the last bit of weight (40 pounds) between now and next June (2009).

Today I am focusing on the specific activities that have been effective in losing the weight I have so far; eating the right things in the right quantities and sticking to my exercise routine. This morning was a slightly less than typical workout at the gym followed by my usual protein smoothie. Tomorrow I'll add a session of bleacher-running to my usual gym routine.

7/19/08

I wash my hands a lot, twenty-seven times each day- no more, no less. If I don't something bad will happen. It's a tremendous responsibility- like entering the numbers on Lost.

Ah rituals, don't they just make you c-r-a-z-y?

Luckily for me John, of JohnIsFit fame, is hosting a Soap-And-Water Giveaway. Now, not only can I wash away the sins of iniquity and mortal shame, I can rinse too.

So let me ask you, who's got two thumbs and loves John's latest contest?

This Guy!

It started off promisingly enough, cloudless blue sky overhead, well-cushioned bike seat softening the bumps in the road, cool breeze in my hair. The beginnings of a beautiful day, except that I was running a few minutes late and pedaling frantically to make up the time. About a block from the house a bug hit me right in the eye and dang-near sent me into a parked car. More time was lost trying to rub its' suicidal remnants from my eye. I one-eyed it the rest of the way. On I go!

I pulled up to the rack in front of the gym and (figuratively) ran into the exernazi from the aerobics class I don't attend- and she actually complimented me on how good I was starting to look. Very surprising, thought I, but I thanked her for the compliment and all but strutted into the gym and had a pretty good workout using a few new routines with the dumbbells.

As I was finishing up, the instructor for the pose-and-gossip (aka strength training) class and a couple of her students walked into the weight room. They milled about chatting about something girly or whatever and one of them made a comment to the instructor about how much weight I was working at the machines. The instructor then turned to me and said that her students (a whopping 4 total) were discouraged because the machines were set so high, yada, yada, yada, the weights are so heavy, yada, you're so strong, yada, yada.

OK, so I'm standing there fairly flush from working out and not knowing how to respond so I mumbled something like, "It's 'cause I'm a big fat guy and you're a bunch of little girls."

Human interaction is somewhat foreign to me.

I took advantage of the awkward silence that followed to make a hasty retreat back to my bike and then pedaled over to the stadium to work out my embarrassment running up and down the stadium stairs.

The rest of the day was fraught with challenges and foibles. About half of the projects I was working on hit a wall, half dragged on beyond their deadlines, and half were golden.

OK, so I'm a little unfamiliar with fractions.

The cool thing is that I put in some pretty good effort today- both exercise-wise and nutrition-wise, and somehow that makes for a pretty good day.

In summation:

30 minutes weight training
20 minutes stairs and laps
1 more day of eating right
1 lifetime of social flubbery

Good times.

This morning's smoothie:
1/3 small banana
3/4C frozen Blackberries
1T Organic Peanut Butter
1S EAS Protein (Chocolate)
1S Ground Flax

Really, it's not as painful as it sounds.

John, from JohnIsFit.com, meme-tagged me and a few others with an opportunity to write about our biggest health/fitness vice. The lineage of this particular meme started with Fit36 and passed through Andrew and then on to John before tagging me. I'll tag a few myself before I'm done here.

What is my biggest health/fitness vice?

White chocolate and macadamia nut cookies from Costco. Dammit! Just writing about them has me salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs. Those big chewy disks of golden sweetness peppered with big chunks of chocolate and nuts are like kryptonite crack. It's a billion-calorie binge teetering on the precipice of a shame spiral circling the bowl in the bathroom of best intentions. White chocolate insanity, baby. Yeah, I got it bad. Quick somebody, hold my hand while I sweat this out.

And.......scene.

Moving on...

Let me just tone it down a notch. Exaggeration and hallucinogenic drug references aside, I really do like cookies (particularly those cookies) a lot. I tend to eat them by the 1/2-dozen and once they're gone I breathe a little sigh of relief. Eating them is a vice I allow myself infrequently- about once every couple of months-- or whenever they appear in my pantry. Those Costco cookies are pretty darn good but if there was a local source of Mrs. Fields' or Mrs. D's cookies of the same variety, I'd be a lot plumper.

Dammit, I'm drooling again.

Tagging on...

What is Your Biggest Health/Fitness Vice?

Heidi @Buddy's Fitness News
Laura@Junk-Foodaholic
EJ @Losing It - Getting Fit
Heidi @Health Nut Wannabee Mom
Dutsji @Dutsji

Here are the rules (copied from Fit36):
1. If tagged, write up a short article detailing your biggest health/fitness vice(s).
2. Link back to whoever tagged you from somewhere within your article.
3. Tag 4-6 more people by linking to them at the end of your article (and be sure to let them know that they’ve been tagged).

Just a real quick one here. You want a diet that really works? Watch this video while eating. ***NOTE*** No warranties implied. Mileage may vary.

7/9/08

Looking back at the titles I come up with for my posts makes me realize that I probably shouldn't just write any little old thing that pops into my skull. Perhaps a little forethought before the clickety-clack of the keys, yes?

Nah, that would be completely out of character for me; I paint myself more the seat-of-the-pants-hair-on-fire massive action kind of guy. And if you believe that, I've got some Idaho ocean-front property for sale.

I'm really a planner and plotter kind of guy, someone who tries to imagine every possible contingency for a set of actions, formulates a plan based on scrupulous research, and plods forward on to my objective. That's how I've gone after most of my goals, including my focus here.

Decide, research, do, adjust, do some more- that's how I like to go about getting things done. It's what's worked.

Moving on...

OK, so I'm in research mode right now, looking around at what others are doing for exercise and diet. There i. s really some awesome stuff out there. Rather than tattle like a ninny, I'll just point you to a couple of blogs belonging to some people that are doing things I find interesting- things I'm thinking about adding to my own regimen.

Dutsji is into body combat. How cool is that? I've been looking at some videos and I have to say, it looks like a lot of fun; like a frickin' ass-kickin' party. I am so there.

WorkoutIQ is another one. I'm shopping for kettlebells almost daily.

There are so many people out there doing so many interesting and fantastic things. I want to try them all. In the meanwhile, I'm on-plan and on-target.

7/7/08
Some people say I'm funny- which makes me feel good until I realize that looks and smell are all I've got. -Raunchy Johnson

A quick inventory of fingers, toes, and eyes revealed that my clan had survived yet another Independence Day weekend unscathed and, try as we might, off the Darwin Awards or Epic Fail websites. Our family motto, "Cheating death since '88" still holds true.

We spent the weekend out amongst the flora and fauna that makes the Pacific Northwest such a great place to live. Camping was never my thing growing up but has become some kind of an obsession with me now and so that's what we did- pack up the camper and head for the hills. Good times, bad eats, nature and whatnot.

Now I'm back and refocused. This week I'm all about intensifying a healthy lifestyle, staying on track with diet and exercise. I worked out at the gym this morning, focusing on free-weights with intensity. It was a tough workout that I followed with my usual smoothie. Once I kick the cookie habit I'll be golden.

Good stuff:

7/3/2008
"You can buy success, rent it, even borrow it for a time but real, lasting success comes when you create it yourself through purposeful massive effort; own it outright and make success your bitch. Yep- then you be pimpin' success." -Raunchy Johnson

Alrighty then. Moving on...

I didn't sleep much last night. We had a whopper of a thunderstorm move through our area and that was all it took to wake me up around 2AM and keep me up most of the night. I'm one of those weirdos who has a hard time getting back to sleep once something wakes me up. I start focusing one all the little noises that go on throughout the night; creaks of the house adjusting to temperature changes, wind moving through the trees, distant sirens, train horns, traffic, the occasional shuffle of zombie feet, or a werewolf sniffing at my toes, you know, just stuff. I think I dozed off around 5AM (15 minutes after my alarm goes off) and woke again at 7AM. I'm feeling it today, fershure.

What this also means is that I didn't go to the gym this morning, so Mother Nature is kicking my butt 2-0. I'm going to focus on intake today and get some exercise in later. I'm also thinking about a comment on my last post from Denis Kanygin. Denis is a fitness trainer and postural therapist (aka expert) and can be found at workoutiq.com. He suggested I stick with "big" exercises (those that involve many muscles at one time) when I'm working out at the gym.

I've been thinking about it and how I've been going about my exercise routine and you know what? It makes a lot of sense.

I typically go through a routine that oftentimes isolates muscle groups. Take for example biceps curl- I do this one at a machine in which I brace my body against a padded frame and bend at the elbow. That's pretty much it. The muscles attached to my arms that control elbow bending get exercised but everything else is stationary.

When I do curls with dumbbells there is a lot more that the rest of my body has to do to not only bend at the elbow but support the arm that is doing the lifting while shifting the rest of my mass to counter-balance the weight I'm lifting. It's only logical that there is much more benefit to doing this exercise using free weights rather than machines.

Thanks, Denis, for gently whacking me upside the head with that realization. I needed it. Tomorrow I'll start a program of replacing many of my machine-based exercises with free weights.