(Day 454 / -151 lbs.) WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION!

This entry is the psuedo-scintillating and hardly anticipated conclusion to the flashback to my misspent youth from yesterday's entry (see below).

The days between my meeting with the police officer from the neighboring small town and my day in court were a fun-filled blur of high-octane tomfoolery and teenage hijinx- mostly just cruising, hanging out and driving fast. Woohoo!

Traffic court was this crowded circus-like affair that seemingly ran all day. In reality there were two sessions; morning and evening. I was scheduled for the evening session, which was great because it gave my friends and I time to grab some food after work before making our way to the courthouse. We opted for the drive-through at McDonalds and loaded up on Big Macs and milkshakes to cram down our gullets on the way over. Big Macs and milkshakes were not the best thing for me, I know, but I really wasn't paying attention to my nutritional requirements. I was an idiot. Good times.

It was with full bellies that my friends and I slid onto one of the wooden benches reserved for those who would be judged and those who like to watch that sort of thing. The place was packed; I guess there was some kind of judicial promotion going on and I was lucky enough to be part of it. And what a rambunctious crowd! They were all laughing and carrying on- it was like they had moved everyone out of the drunk tank or something. Party-on!

The tone changed a little when the judge walked in. Everyone stood as he entered and sat when he did. A mild hush blanketed the room.

After shuffling through a stack of papers, the judge called to the bailiff for the first case. It was me.

I was directed to stand at a podium about fifteen feet away from and several feet lower than the judge's bench. The crowded courtroom was behind me- still twittering happily about whatever they were all happy about. I stood and smiled at the judge, said hello-how-ya-doin' and waited for him to tell me where to pay my $20 fine (typical for my previous offenses).

The judge, a rather youngish-looking guy (for a judge) with thick glasses and longish hair, thumbed though a stack of papers and after several moments looked down at me for what was a very uncomfortable length of time. I looked back, maintained my sheepish smile and tried to stay calm.

"WHAT THE HELL IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?!?!" he yelled as he simultaneously slammed one hand on his desk and threw the stack of papers towards me.

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as a chorus of "Oh, shit!" was whisper-hissed behind me. I began to physically melt into a puddle of my own juices.

The judge went on a total rant, mixing expletives and metaphors in tempo with the risings and fallings of his tone; about how irresponsible and dangerous I was. Judging from the dead silence behind me, the party was definitely over. I don't think anyone in the room was even breathing- I'm pretty sure I wasn't. But if sweat made a noise, I would have been screaming.

The judge finally ran out of steam and pronounced sentence; $1,200 fine AND 6 months in jail. Someone behind whispered, "oh shit," again. I was ready to show everyone what I had eaten from McDonalds- it was only a matter of deciding on which orifice evacuation would occur. I was now paying attention.

I didn't know what to do. I stood there and waited for someone to haul me away, lightning to strike me, the judge to shoot me, something- I don't know what. I was lost but I never looked away from the judge. And after an eternity, and with a look I will never forget, he said, "Did I got your attention tonight? I hope I did, because if your are ever in my courtroom again you will go to jail and you will suffer. I guarantee it." He then went on to say that he was suspending the jail time and that the fine was payable to the clerk.

I nearly collapsed.

The fine drained my bank account but I was happy to pay it. After the ordeal I had just gone through, it seemed trivial. What occurred to me though, and the lesson I chose to glean from the experience, was that I really had not been paying attention to anything. I was just cruising through life gratifying immediate whims without regard to impact or consequence- at most I was just throwing money at whatever stood between me and a good time. What an idiot.

So how does that relate to weight gain and/or loss? Why do I thank that judge for part of the success I'm experiencing as I move towards my goals? I think that a lot of the weight I gained over the years was because I just wasn't paying attention. How many times had I sat in front of the TV with a bag of chips or a pint of Ben & Jerry's and, without realizing, both emptied the container and spent the entire evening sitting on my butt doing nothing? I don't know. Probably too many, but I really wasn't paying attention.

I am paying attention now. Paying attention to what, how much, and how often I eat. I am paying attention to how much I move; how far, how fast, how often, and the results I'm getting. I'm paying attention and I'm better-off for it.

Thanks, Judge.