(Day 520 / -161 lbs.) I'm Completely Naked In This One!

Image by sisterdimension via FlickrEmotionally, that is. I mean, come on, what else would I mean by "naked"? This site may be a freak show of sorts, but its not that kind of freak show.

It does make me think though. What kind of shape would I have to be in to feel comfortable appearing online in the nude. "Invisible" is my gut response (pun intended). I'm still a ways off od "beach shape" -unless we're referring to the ball.

I didn't become self-conscious about my weight until the "Great Camp Chair Collapse of 2007" or GCC '07 as I like to call it. I knew I was heavy but I never dwelt on it- I just waddled on through life meal to meal and snack to snack with little thought beyond the banalities of everyday existence. I had grown fat through complacency and set myself up for some serious pride-pain using zero effort. Conversely, it's taken quite a bit of effort to shrink myself below 1/8th-ton.

I've done my best to refrain from making the weight issue an emotional thing but you know what? It's impossible. Physically there have been noticeable differences beyond what I see on the scale. I'm wearing clothes I haven't been able to squeeze into for more than ten years. Who would have thought that slipping into some old 501's from the back of my closet would be an emotional event? It was.

Here's the thing, my weight increase over the years wasn't emotional at all. I gained weight, bought bigger clothes, and moved the old ones further back in my closet. Getting new stuff dampened any remorse at the loss of my old stuff. I wish I had felt a little differently about it at the time.

I remember, as a kid, outgrowing things before wearing them out. I wasn't overweight, I just grew. That's what kids typically do. I think I may have experienced a second childhood when I started packing on the pounds; only I didn't grow up, I grew out. My goal now is to never outgrow another piece of clothing. I'm not a kid anymore.